Scribbles

In life there are few occasions that we will remember the most. The sight of love, the cries of anguish or triumph or the first time your child looks at you. Scientifically, a newborn can't really see you however the first time she looks at you is mesmerising. I had such an occasion 9 days ago. My first child came into this world at 9.47am on a beatiful Tuesday. My wife had to be operated upon so I was not allowed to witness the whole process, however I watched a couple of videos on YouTube so I guess that excuses me for not being there for I am not a fan of trickling blood moreover gushing blood. To describe this moment on a primordial level how it feels is impossible. You're looking at a human being bundled up in colourful cloth with the face that's the size of your fist. You look at her thinking what qualifies you to claim her as yours. First and foremost, you are not the man your father is. Highly undependable, child-like intelligence, bad reflexes sums up the man writing this blog so hence the nagging question. So we come to the part when she opens her eyes. I've seen beautiful things, I studied in New Zealand where the trees and the sky are actually that color we see and not what you get here in Malaysia. However when I look into my child's eyes....there the silence again. I have no words to describe it. Beauty ceases to be the appropriate word to describe it...I've tried for this past 9 days to find a word for it but none comes to mind. All I can say is now I am complete and I feel that life has given me more than what I deserve and I am thankful. Though just a month ago I had to go through some of the most gruelling moments of my career, now it doesn't matter anymore. Her name is Bayu Iman Rania and she weighs a measely 2.15kg. She is my reason for being. Am I blessed for having her...you bet I am.